A letter to Joshua

Joshua dear,

You are gone without saying goodbye to us. You leave too sudden. I still remember seeing you and talking to you last week and now, all I have with me are the memories, the good memories that we shared. Everyday when I wake up, I would start counting the days without you by my side. Today would be the 6^th day without you. Going to school, stepping into the faculty, I no longer see the red horse anymore, I no longer see you walking on the other end smiling at me and you walking towards me. Walking down the hallway where I used to meet u and stopped just to talk to you makes my heart break into pieces knowing that what I see now is only the memories. I think about you every seconds, I think about the words you told me every seconds, I think about your smiles every seconds, I think about you calling my name every seconds. However, my pain for your loss can never be compared with the pain your amma, appa, bambi, aunt lilly and other family members feel. They raised you up, they grew up with you and they know you better than anyone of us here.

People kept on looking at me asking each other why does pinyin look so sad because of joshua’s death? Because they do not know how close we were and how much you meant to me. I know you want me to be happy and I know you want me to be able to take good care of myself. I still remember the words you told me very clearly in my mind. I will and I need you to give me the strength to pull through. I do not want to disappoint you and I know that you have always cared a lot for me. Now, all I can do is to cherish those good memories we had together, to think of the words that comes from your heart to me. I will always remember that you said God sent me to you for a reason and that I will always have a special place in your heart. Those words will be in my heart forever.

The 1^st question that you asked me everytime when you called me was “where you?”. Now, I will be the one who will be asking you this and I know you would be answering me with a smile saying “I am here in heaven safely in God’s arms”. I know I should not be selfish over your death as you no longer feel the pain that you used to feel during your time here. I know I should let you go. I cried so much every single day not because I do not want you to be in the place u are now, It is because I miss you very very much. I know I will be meeting you soon where you will be welcoming me with your arms open wide when I have accomplished what I have to do in this place. I will always cherish those memories in my heart and I will always love you very very much.

Ps: pls do not forget to send my regards to my dear daddy in heaven like I sent your love to your appa that day.

By

Your truly cared pinyin

If Only

If only i could see my own future....

If only i knew what i am really capable of....

If only i had all the answers to all the unanswerable questions...

If only i had all the antidotes for the incurable pain and sufferings....

If only..............

Farewell and Moving On

~just look above the sky....leave the sadness away and move on~

Birth, Life, meetings, separation, death. This is the nature of life. When a baby is born in a family, everyone was overjoyed because there is a new life entering their lives. Later on, the babies will eventually grow up and they start to meet each other. Many found loves during their journeys and YES, another new chapter of life has begun. They are ofcourse happy and filled with hopes. Then, there goes the "separation" part which lead to heartbroken, disappointment, misery and the list goes on and on. This is where the man's mind influences his body profoundly. If allowed to function viciously and entertain wholesome thoughts, it can cause disasters. They who suffered will usually let their negative thoughts to control them. All these unfortunate events happen due to a lack of understanding of the real nature of life. In life, departure or separation is unavoidable. This happen all the time and certainly unavoidable. When such things happen, one must try to find out where the cause lies. However, if the separation is beyond one's control, one must have courage to bear with it by realising the true nature of life. On the other hand, it is not difficult for anyone to find a new friends to fill the vacuum if one really wants to.

People always think that the "time will heal" phrase is too cliche', but it is always true. Trouble passes, What has caused you to burst into tears today will soon be forgotten. As we grow up and go through life, if we remember this we will often be surprised to find how we lie awake at night brooding over things that have happened to upset us during the day. And being surprised, we can realise what a waste of time and energy it has all been and how we have deliberately gone on being unhappy when we could have stopped it.

Realisation is something positively strong and opposed to ignorance. Once one has realised that separation is just a nature of life and after one has realised that letting go is better than clinging on, next thing should be done is "stop wasting your time". Bear this in our mind that by wasting your time you injure not only urself but to others too for your time is as much others as it is yours. I just feel that to be happy or to move on with life, it is all about choice. We do have a choice to be happy....as simple as that...

~Pinyin signs out~

When you have too much things on your mind at once, i guess its hard to take it. Part of it has to do with responsibilities, the other has to do with exams and not forgetting the one you misses the most. You know these feelings should be suppressed RIGHT NOW but your mind is playing a fool with you. Thanks to my friend for writing this today "The heaviest loads are the mental ones, forever resting in the back of our heads. We carry them back and forth constantly in our thoughts. Put them down for awhile. Go look at a green tree or blur sky. It will surprise you that you had that choice all along-to be free". Yes, he is right about this. And it is true that we have choice..

~Pinyin signs out~

SILVIO BERLUSCONI

~Pinyin signs out~

Ching Ming 2011

Ching Ming 2011, yes...yet another year has passed. Reminiscing those younger days when we kids aimlessly follow our parents to the cemetery to pay respect to our ancestors. I still remember how small we were at that time and not knowing what was really going on. Now ofcourse, everyone has grown up and most of us have stable jobs and just give us few years, there will be our juniors coming out! ("us" refers to my elder cousins and apparently not me *wink* as i am still a student ). Ching Ming to us is another family gathering apart from chinese new year. I got to be honest that each time when i am on my way back to Penang for chingming, i will be so thrill, knowing that it is time for me to meet all my beloved ones. The "must-do-thing" on every ching ming is to buy 4D! It is like our family norm that after praying, they will buy numbers(lottery) and sad to say that after for more than 20 years of "practicing" this norm none of the numbers that the adults bought had ever appear in the 1st price list! Not even Consolation. =='' Up to now, they still continue practicing this. I salute them for their courage and perseverance! At least they are happy, which matter the most. =)

setting up the big umbrella

cleaning the tomb

FOOD

Hi everyone!

UNCLES..the older they get, the better they look..agree?? :)

"i'm bringing sexy back!"

pictures taken by http://myhorng.com/

~Pinyin signs out~

This male cocker spaniel mixed dog was brought in to us (SPCA) on Sunday 27th March. He was last seen at the Bukit Jambul area as reported.

Could this be abandoned or genuinely lost by his owner. Please help him find his owner. His left front leg is lame.

Thank you.